When You Wonder What You'll Do

For the rest of your life.

They left on a yellow bus. But they were ten and this wasn't kindergarten. This was however- my first time to say goodbye. Not literally of course, but in a new way- that way that says, I'll see you later, and you're on your own, kind of.

Their first week of summer camp began as it should, exceedingly happy expectations; any mom hesitation overshadowed by their joy.

This was good.

Phone reception was nill. But only five days, right? And little, big boys need their freedom, kind of.

By day two I'm just killing time. Because the house is quiet (relatively) and that's nice(kind of). But they're not in it. And I wonder. When I'm 50,60, 80...

When the pace slows down and it's a lot more quiet- will I still be killing time?

Because I've got dreams for retirement from this full time, no paying job- dreams much bigger but less significant than they used to be. I just want a career in full time normal, uneventful and mundane. 

Excitement and title lost its luster a long time ago. And accomplishment? Sure, I'd still like even my phD. But that may require a faster pace than I'll probably want to be accustomed to.

So I imagine big dreams of rollin' around in that fixed up turquoise, 57 Chevy pick up with my grey headed sweetie by my side. We might not get too much past Texas.

But I think we might just be killin' time.

Until they come .... 

By day five, I'm earlier than usual because I'm not usually early at all. And I find their tanned lovely faces next to sleeping bags spilling out and luggage full of clothes ready to come home and be washed.

My heart full, my life to its brim again.

My boys.

I Declare It

Tina Hare Day.

I can't sleep. I woke up thinking about a beautiful someone I know who suffers from massive brain bleeding, heart and lung complications.

And while my heart hurting for her and her family keeps me from sleeping, she can't wake up.

I check her facebook wall frequently for updates. And while I am sad and turning worries into prayers, God is using her fight against losing her life to bring inspiration to anyone who knows her or reads the words people are saying to her and on her behalf.

My 5 year old daughter who is friends with her 5 year old son says, "She's such a nice lady!" because of the joy and personal touch Tina brings. Tina goes the extra mile to make sure people know they're special. 

Once, when I was going through something hard, she called me up. We didn't know each other very well but that didn't stop her.

Someone suggested that we plant sunflowers in our vegetable garden. They're not only pretty, but more importantly, he said, "They'll help shield your plants from the unbearable heat."

That's the kind of person Tina is. She stands strong- against the heat of life and offers a little bit of Jesus shade- a smile, comforting word, hug... even the time spent for a thoughtful craft for your child's class. 

She's funny too- she's not afraid to make you laugh from right where she's at- She's real.

So please say a prayer for her - and can we make it Tina Hare Day? Today, lets bring someone a little Jesus filled shade. 

With a heavy, hopeful heart, for what one woman and God can do,

Rachel

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you... will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

{Tina and her husband have 2 precious children, ages 5 and 2.}

I Remember

You

I do. 

When I was a little girl, my father and I went through something really terrible awful.

But I don't remember much of that. 

What I do remember is being surrounded. At the time it felt normal because it was all I knew. But now, I know it was extraordinary. 

From the church we attended, to the neighborhood we lived in, to aunts and uncles and more, I was surrounded by love.

And when times get hard or I'm facing a challenge, I'm still comforted and inspired by memories... of smiling faces- relationships that ran deep and stood strong.

I remember the smallest comments to more sacrificial actions- all that may have been forgotten- but not by me- sometimes just words and the simplest of gestures, that blessed and soothed my soul. 

From church friends that never missed an opportunity just to say hello, to parents of friends that supportively listened. From neighborhoods that were a place kids could run from house to house and play, to neighbors that were just good friends. 

From youth group volunteers who gave their time, to that one that always seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear. From the mom of her own daughter who always took the time to ask about me, to a preacher who patiently answered my unending questions in our weekly "sessions" when I became a Doubting Thomas/teen. 

From the Sunday School teacher with the beautiful smile and melodic laugh, to the one who ended up being my new mom. 

From the faithful in their twilight years always reassuring with their presence, to the Grandmother who became my best friend.

From the singles group that took the little girl with them on their Saturday biking adventure, to the newly weds that took the very shy teenager water skiing for the afternoon. 

From an aunt and uncle that housed me for a fun packed week each summer, to the ones who made a spot for me on their Disney World family vacation. 

And even more memorable than the trips, is that my extended family was filled with the kind of people that I couldn't wait to see for the holidays because they made me feel so... Special.

Because kids don't need much but they do need this: to know that they are loved- just because. 

And you may think I'm the lucky one. And maybe that's true.

But I write this just to encourage you to never underestimate the power of a kind word spoken, a moment taken to give even just a piece of encouragement, letting someone tag along.... The power of a generous spirit shared in maybe big, but even more-the smallest of ways.

Never underestimate the impact of you.

Thank you.

One grown woman with memories of a wonderful childhood,

Rachel

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.

Matthew 25:40

 I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. 

Ephesians 1:16

{The picture is of my Aunt Julie and Uncle Tim. Getting to spend a little time with them this weekend (and their children and grandchildren!) inspired this post.}

Welcome to Blue Jean Graces.  This is where I write my heart out.

I'm married to my best friend, and mother to five here and one beautiful boy we look forward to seeing again one very fine day.

I'll be posting new thoughts; and from the archive now and then. If you have already signed up for email updates, I am so sorry but you'll have to re-sign up from here.

We live in a town we love in Texas. We have a loud, fun life that keeps me on my toes and time goes by really fast.  We are trying to keep up with it all and enjoy these sweet times with our children because we know they won't stay little long.   

Professionally, I started out a marriage and family therapist. I have been home full time for 13 years now.

We are blessed beyond measure but we have also known heartache and challenge.  And we have come to know a very real God, Father and Friend who loves us very much through it all.

I mostly write about marriage, identity, parenting, relationships, mom care and faith, even when it's hard. 

Thanks for stopping by!  I hope you find encouragement here for your heart and home.  

Much Love,
Rachel